She is desperate to remember. 
He is aching to forget. 
Together, they are not broken. 
But together, one may not survive. 

​Jade wakes up with no memory of her past and blood on her hands.  

Plagued by wicked thoughts, she searches for answers. Instead, she finds a boy who doesn't offer her answers, but hope. But sometimes, when nightmares turn into reality and death follows you everywhere, hope is not enough.  

LUST. LOVE. LOSS. Sometimes, all that is left are Ashes and Ice...





Connor Teasers:

They are cold, brutal eyes and they glared right at me. Half of me thinks: Idiot, idiot, idiot! Beautiful, totally hot girl had her hand on my shoulder and I ignored her. I curse myself for missing a chance to have her sit next to me. The other half of me, though, is relieved. Somehow, I know eyes so sharp and penetrating could slice me open.

***

A brave, rebellious soldier deep within me toys with the idea of apologizing about yesterday, introducing myself, striking up conversation, and impressing her with my wit and charm. When I remember that I have neither, I silence the deceitful bastard and continue sulking, wishing to be someone else—someone cooler, someone who isn’t completely and utterly terrified of taking chances, someone who could talk to this girl without fear of rejection.

***

I’m stumped. Beautiful, girl of my dreams in my bed and I want to sleep on the floor? “I—I thought it would be ya’ know the gentlemanly thing to do.”

            She shakes her head, “Nope.” She says with an extra pop on the “p”. “A gentleman would keep me warm and safe.” She pats the space next to her.

***

Holy crap. Either I was slipped a pill at lunch or this old lady is batshit crazy. Seriously, if a person owns a collection of skulls and has mastered a peel-your-skin-off-glare, she is no one I want to tango with. “Jade, let’s go.” I tug on her arm.
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Hello!

Another random post!

I'm just full of excitement today because I took another trip to the bookstore and got myself a copy of Insurgent *doing the happy dance*, and I have also been inspired to create another Judge a Book by It's Cover post just because I saw some really gothic-ly alluring ones and I could wait to share them.



Title : Dearly Departed (Gone with the Respiration #1)
Author : Lia Habel
Published Date : September 29th 2011 

Blurb 


Love can never die.

Love conquers all, so they say. But can Cupid’s arrow pierce the hearts of the living and the dead—or rather, the undead? Can a proper young Victorian lady find true love in the arms of a dashing zombie?

In Dearly, Departed, romance meets walking-dead thriller, spawning a madly imaginative novel of rip-roaring adventure, spine-tingling suspense, and macabre comedy that forever redefines the concept of undying love.


Judge & Jury : A cliche cover that somehow hypnotized me to read the blurb. I guess there's just something about zombies in suits.


Title : The Farm (The Farm #1) 
Author : Emily McKay 
Published Date : December 4th 2012

Blurb 


Life was different in the Before: before vampires began devouring humans in a swarm across America; before the surviving young people were rounded up and quarantined. These days, we know what those quarantines are—holding pens where human blood is turned into more food for the undead monsters, known as Ticks. Surrounded by electrical fences, most kids try to survive the Farms by turning on each other…

And when trust is a thing of the past, escape is nearly impossible.

Lily and her twin sister Mel have a plan. Though Mel can barely communicate, her autism helps her notice things no one else notices—like the portion of electrical fence that gets turned off every night. Getting across won’t be easy, but as Lily gathers what they need to escape, a familiar face appears out of nowhere, offering to help…

Carter was a schoolmate of Lily’s in the Before. Managing to evade capture until now, he has valuable knowledge of the outside world. But like everyone on the Farm, Carter has his own agenda, and he knows that behind the Ticks is an even more dangerous threat to the human race...

Judge & Jury : I just love the hauntingly depressing aura that the cover emanates, seeming to be a promising read! The blurb is just unique and creative, and this is a story that I would love to delve into.

It seems the undead has gained quite a popularity these days!

Happy Reading!


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Follow Me Friday is a weekly blog hop hosted by Parajunkee and Alison Can Read. Check out their blogs and join in the weekly meme fun!

Q: Write a letter to your favorite character. Rant, rave or gush…just pretend like they are real and you just want to let them know a "few things". - Activity courtesy of author, Kelly Walker

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Love or Death? A simple question really. The choice seems obvious. But. What if you never knew love, what if your life was spent just trying to survive? What if you knew your fate before you were fully grown?  

And then you died.  

And you were given another chance. A better chance.  

This new life depended upon one thing: your job. And so you agreed. You thought it would be simple. You thought it would be cut and dry.  

It never is. 

And now you are left holding the fate of someone else in the palm of your hand and you have to make the ultimate choice. 

Love or Death?


“Proposition - An offer of a private bargain. A plan suggested for acceptance; a proposal.” 

“Opportunity would be abundant and you could create a whole new identity for yourself.”

I was tempted sure, but still something kept me from accepting right away. “What’s the catch?”

There was always a catch.

“In return for your life, your new and improved life, you would come and work for me.”

“Doing what?”

“You will be an Escort.”

On the streets another name for Escort was a prostitute. “I don’t think I would look good in a dress and heels.”

“You joke. You’re funny.” Mr. Burns said, smiling. “Not that kind of Escort. This is more exclusive. More important.”

“So what exactly will I be Escorting?” I asked more confused than before.

Mr. Burns looked at me, his little beady eyes gleamed with excitement and he smiled, causing his cheekbones to jut outward.

“Death. You will be a Death Escort.”


        Cambria Hebert is the author of the young adult paranormal Heven and Hell series and the upcoming Death Escorts series. She loves a caramel latte, hates math and is afraid of chickens (yes, chickens). She went to college for a bachelor’s degree, couldn’t pick a major and ended up with a degree in cosmetology. So rest assured her characters will always have good hair. She currently lives in Pennsylvania with her husband and children (both human and furry) where she is plotting her next book. You can find out more about Cambria and her work by visiting http://www.cambriahebert.com  

“Like” her on Facebook:  https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cambria-Hebert/128278117253138
Follow her on Twitter: https://twitter.com/cambriahebert 
Pinterest: https://pinterest.com/cambriahebert/pins/
GoodReads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/5298677.Cambria_Hebert 
Cambria website: http://www.cambriahebert.com  






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Hello everyone,

A great day today, it's finally my stop for Alexandra Lanc's Lisez la Fleur book release tour. Alexandra has been a great friend for as long as I've known her, not to mention her books constantly amazed me and I just fell in love with her characters and writing. I have been a fan of her ever since she introduced me to her first book! I will continue to be her loyal fan.

Without babbling for much longer and bore you all with my enthusiasm ( :P ) , I would love to congratulate Alexandra on her release of her latest novel - Lisez la Fleur - which centers around one of our favorite night crawlers, VAMPIRES.


      Twenty-year-old Lorine Stringfield’s life is about to change forever, and she doesn’t even know it. 

      Weighted down by the death of her father, her overbearing mother, and the sadness of her little brother, Lorine has less than high hopes for her family’s trip to France. But all of that changes when she is invited to visit the illustrious Chateau du Jumeaux – a premiere nightclub that only the most privileged attend. Lorine jumps at the chance to do something for herself, but gets more than she bargained for when she discovers the terrible truth: the chateau isn’t a nightclub at all, but a feeding ground for perhaps the most ruthless of beings, the creatures known as vampires.

       Part one in the Fleur Passages, a collection of novellas to later be sewn into one novel, The Beautiful Beginning starts the epic tale of Lorine. This novella marks the first in a series of ebooks in which readers can take part with "Reader Participation" -- inside of the ebook there is a question directly linked to the next volume in the Fleur Passages, and readers can vote for their favorite answer, to have a say in what happens next!  

***As part of the release, Alexandra has also kindly organized a giveaway for 3 lucky winners!***
a Rafflecopter giveaway

***Buy Links***

http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B00BF0G0J4/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1360788071&sr=8-1&pi=SL75

http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B00BF0G0J4/ref=mp_s_a_1?qid=1360788150&sr=8-1&pi=SL75

Also, if you are an Amazon Prime Member, you can get the book for free!


***Behind every great work, there is an inspiration. Here is the playlist that has been the greatest inspiration for Lisez la Fleur! ***


Lisez la Fleur "Theme song": Come Wake Me Up ~ By Rascal Flatts

Alexandra : The moment I heard this song, I knew that it was the theme for this story. In the original, "Where You Are" was the theme, but the story has changed so much since then. It's a great story, with many dark tones, and Paranormal Romance and Horror/Suspense elements, but at its heart, it's really about emotion. 


Chapter One/Arrival In France: Where You Are ~ By Rascal Flatts

Alexandra : This was my original "theme" for Lisez la Fleur, back when the story was completely different, the first time I wrote it. Whenever I hear it, I picture Lorine getting ready for her trip, and then I picture her flying into France, and seeing the Eiffel Tower. To me, it's more about wanting to be in a new place, for her, than it is about romance. 


Chapter Two/Lorine and Josh, Siblings: I won't Let Go ~ By Racal Flatts 

Alexandra : Lorine has a younger brother named Josh, who she loves very much, and they've been through a lot together. This song was used at my mother's wedding, when she got re-married, and I got new siblings. I think it's a great song for anyone, but for family especially. There's something special about being there for each other that Lorine really knows well, and this song reflects it. 



Chapter Four/Lorine's Breakaway: Then I Did ~ By Rascal Flatts

Alexandra : This is a burrowed song from my original penning of Lisez la Fleur. Then, it held a lot of the same significance it does now: moving on, and then turning to see what you've left behind. 


Chapter Five-Six/The Truth Revealed: Cowboy Casanova ~ By Carrie Underwood

Alexandra : I remember when this song first came out. I've added the music video for it, because I remember watching it, and hearing the song for the first time, and thinking: "Wow, this guy sounds like a vampire -- I know a character who this fits!". As for who that character is, well...you'll just have to read the novella (Spoilers, a reference for all of my fellow Doctor Who fans). I also really loved the scenery and the dark tone of this video, and some of Carrie's outfits. :)

And for the best part, I got to interview Alexandra herself!



Hello, everyone! I’m extended a special thank you to Natasha for having me on the blog. I’m very thrilled and honored to be here today.

You mentioned in your "Author's Note" that writing Lisez La Fleur was life changing, how is that so?  

        Well, around four years ago, when I first wrote the novel, I had never written anything with a gothic tone, and Lisez la Fleur was my first trip into horror fiction. I had just recently finished reading Dracula, and I was inspired to write something both different, and something a little more “adult” than my other writing, but I never really expected to love writing horror so much; in that way, it was life-changing, because I found what would become one of my favorite genres, and my writing became much more mature, and as an author, that was a big stepping stone in my journey.

Lisez la Fleur is definitely something darker from what you have previously written, what was your experience in writing this book?  

        Honestly, from writing this story, and other horror novels after it (none released quite yet, sorry; in the future), I’ve found that, for me, writing darker novels is a lot of fun. Not that I haven’t enjoyed writing my other stories, because I have, but I’ve always loved dark and gritty fiction, and the sort of romance that comes along with it. I think that writing darker tones really gives me the chance to be more serious with my characters and their emotions, and it allows me to use some really beautiful settings, such as the château in Lisez la Fleur.

You mentioned that you have a fascination towards vampires because of Bram Stoker's Dracula, any particular trait that you like best about vampires? 

        I’ve always had a fascination with vampires, ever since I saw Bela Lugosi as Dracula when I was little, my very first run-in with vampires.

I would definitely have to say that my favorite vampire trait is the romantic aspect that the traditional vampire, such as Dracula, has. I’m not sure why the idea of vampires is romantic, but I suppose that the long-life, and enduring love of life is to blame; plus they’re usually very charming. Also, vampires are usually – especially in the traditional sense – surrounded by a gothic setting, and are very gentlemanly and sophisticate, and I love those themes.

A huge part of the novel centers around Loraine's family, what inspires you to create the character Loraine and Josh? 

        I really wanted to make Lorine’s story relatable, as far as I could (vampires excluded), and I really wanted her to be a character that the readers could sympathize with. Lorine is actually based on my grandmother (who had the same name), who was very much like her character, and I suppose she has a bit of me thrown in there as well.

As for Josh, one of my favorite aspects of family to focus on is the relationships between siblings, because I have an amazing older brother, so I created Josh’s character to show off a good sibling bond. Lorine has opposition from her mother, and she has support from her brother, and I think that the combination of those two things makes her more relatable, and gives her room to grow throughout the story as a person. Plus, her love for her brother gives her something to protect, and at the same time, he protects her in his own way; they are able to hold each other up, and to catch each other when they fall.

Loraine is a huge art-loving person, do you have any favorite artwork of your own? And have you considered bringing your characters to life by creating paintings of them? 

        Lorine and I share a love of art, and that is also tied into the fact that Lorine is based off of my grandmother, who loved art as well (and Country music, a reason why my playlist is so important to this story, and is full of Country artists). I come from a family of artists, and art has always been important to us, so I wanted to pay tribute not only to my grandmother’s love of art, but also to the artists in my family.

I do love art, though painting isn’t my specialty. I may do drawings of my characters some day, though.

As far as a favorite painting, I would definitely have to say “Water Lilies” by Claude Monet is my favorite. I’m also a big fan of Georgia O’Keeffe, Vincent van Gogh, and Thomas Kinkade.

What do you want the readers to expect for book two? Book one left us hanging with a huge cliffhanger!  

        Cliffhangers are my specialty! :)

Book two will be out in July, and there will definitely be some surprises in it. Readers will see more of Château de Jumeaux, learn more about the mysterious vampires, and meet an amazing new character. Plus, Lorine will be faced with an impossible decision. What is it? Well, I can’t tell you that…but I can tell you that it probably won’t be what you expect!






Is it just another vampire story? 

In this short novella, Alexandra has managed to remind me of why Vampires are being crowned as the fearful creatures of the night, bloodsucking has never seem so intimidating! 

This is a story of a holiday gone awry for a young teenage girl who is just embarking on her life's journey. Lorine was just starting college when she went on a holiday trip to France with her family to fulfill her mother's dream of rekindling their relationship before she move away. Neither Lorine nor her family knew that the mysteriously alluring stranger that they met in a cafe will be the one who destroys them.

Alexandra has painted a fine detail of a wonderful Paris Setting and that was what awed me. Having never been to France, I can at least imagine myself there! I do appreciate the effort that Alexandra put into describing the settings, and most of all I do love her appreciation towards art!

Now delving back into the main story. Lisez la Fleur captured my interest because it comes in a whole package! If you are looking for horror, you've got to have a taste of French Vampires who does not deny their own nature. If you are looking for romance, perhaps there's a possibility! And if you are looking for family dramas, there is something going on between Loraine and her mother. Another aspect that I love about the novella is how Alexandra has captured the sibling ties between Loraine and her younger brother, Josh. You fall in love with them instantly! 

A great short read and highly recommended! 
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Follow Me Friday is a weekly meme organized by Alison Can Read and Parajunkee! Check out their blogs and join in the weekly meme fun!

Q: Happy Mardi Gras! If they were throwing the HOTTEST books off of a Mardi Gras float -- what would you do to have them throw to you…?

Before that, my definition of HOT is Romance that makes us Swoon!

Beautiful Disaster by Jamie McGuire wins hands down!


Of many contemporary romance stories that I have come across, none has left that much imprint in my mind apart from Beautiful Disaster, this is definitely a book that I would die for !


INTENSE. DANGEROUS. ADDICTIVE.

Abby Abernathy is a good girl. She doesn’t drink or swear, and she has the appropriate number of cardigans in her wardrobe. Abby believes she has enough distance from the darkness of her past, but when she arrives at college with her best friend, her path to a new beginning is quickly challenged by Eastern University’s Walking One-Night Stand.

Travis Maddox, lean, cut, and covered in tattoos, is exactly what Abby wants—and needs—to avoid. He spends his nights winning money in a floating fight ring, and his days as the ultimate college campus charmer. Intrigued by Abby’s resistance to his appeal, Travis tricks her into his daily life with a simple bet. If he loses, he must remain abstinent for a month. If Abby loses, she must live in Travis’s apartment for the same amount of time. Either way, Travis has no idea that he has met his match.



“You know why I want you? I didn’t know I was lost until you found me. I didn’t know what alone was until the first night I spent without you in my bed. You’re the one thing I’ve got right. You’re what I’ve been waiting for, Pigeon.” 
---Travis Maddox 








"He was afraid of nothing. Until he'd met me.” 
----Abby Abernathy 







Oh yeah..I got a bit excited ...

Hmm..to answer the question...I would definitely leap onto the floats and beg them to have the books tossed at me! Probably add some sick, ridiculous moves to that and prepare to strangle them if they don't start handing books over to me. Okay, I admit, I have a history of violence when it comes to books (my brother loves to threaten me by holding my books hostage!)

 Happy Friday guys!

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Hello all,

I couldn't even describe how delighted I am to participate in this amazing Blog Tour, on my stop, please do stick by for a guest post by Tiffany Carmouche and I would be sharing my thoughts on both books!



“Alaska? Who goes to Alaska?” 

Escaping an abusive ex boyfriend, Nicole, a struggling young single-mother, convinces her best friend to travel to a place she knows little about, in search of better life. 

Nicole is scared of getting hurt again, but Dylan’s chiseled body and chocolate brown eyes captivate her. And soon she finds herself in the arms of the sexy lead singer.

In Alaska, she discovers the power of friendship and true love and begins to let down her guard. But is her security a facade? Soon Nicole’s innocent beauty taunts a sinister man, and she is caught in a web of deception and danger. She realizes someone she trusts has been stalking her. Petrified, she wonders, how can she escape? Miles of wilderness surround her. She hears something. Someone is there. Should she cry for help or stay silent?

Will she be saved or will she be hunted?

I do not know whether I should be awed by the thrilling story plot or the swooning romance. Not many authors can pull through a good thriller, especially something as nail biting as this one, but I have to admit that every ounce of my being was spooked, psychopaths are my favorites!

To properly start off my review, The Impostor will set your heart on a race, not only because you are falling for the male characters, but because the "goriness" and the "feeling of being stalked" was perfectly described that it felt real enough. With my lights on and curtains drawn, I could still feel my goosebumps, thumbs up for that!

Full Review : http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15747559-the-impostor-a-love-story



         Obsession and Sacrifice is the second book in a romantic trilogy about unexpected love and a woman's fight for survival. 

When Nichole wakes up in the hospital room from a coma, she has no memory of who she is or how she got there. Only the scars on her body reveal some horrific event took place and she is lucky to be alive…alive…but could she still be in danger?

Her only hope to rediscover her past and avoid a killer's obsession lies in the hands of two men: sexy Dylan, her boyfriend, who used to captivate her and now prays she will remember how much they cared for one another, and Bradley, her charming best friend, who has secretly loved her all along. She feels safe around both men, but to her, they are strangers. Nicole must decide who to trust, not only with her heart, but with her life.

They are rivals--both men want to win her love. But they are allies as well. The two vow to give her a second chance at life and both will sacrifice everything to make sure she survives.

Love triangle at its best!

Love triangle used to be my favorite element in a book, but after all the years it just seemed overrated and lacking in the "WOW" factor, Tiffany Carmouche most definitely reminded me why I used to love Love Triangles in the first place, and the most surprising part, I love both the male characters (Dylan and Bradley) so much that I wanted Nicole to be with both of them (and I always pick sides). The twists and turns in book  two definitely had me gasping and trying to get my head to process the sudden twist (especially for what happened with Dylan and Nicole's relationship). I have to admit, Dylan, Nicole and Bradley nearly reduced me to tears. I admire Dylan and Nicole's relationship because Dylan was so protective and caring towards Nicole, I love Bradley and Nicole's relationship because they are best friends. Decisions, Decisions.

Of course, the best thing about the series is the *goosebump* factor. If book one made you shiver, book 2 undoubtedly doubled the standards! That's how *psycho-ed* the killer is.

So glad that I received an Advance Reader's Copy (thank you so much for that!), Alaska has never been warmer! (that will be my tagline for the series!)






         Hi my name is Tiffany Carmouché, the author of the Alaska Trilogy. The Impostor, A Love Story and Obsession and Sacrifice are the first two books. There are a few things that inspired me to create this series.
I have always loved art. I mostly played in charcoals but when I was writing The Impostor, A Love Story,  I knew I wanted Nicole to be an artist. To be honest, I had never done a sculpture in my life.  I like making my books believable. I usually write about places I have visited and use aspects of people I have known as the basis of characters. So, I wanted to see what it felt like to sculpt.

 I enrolled in a short course at Montpellier Mansion with an amazing artist, Richard Zandler. It was crazy because all of the students had been studying art for years. I felt so insecure during introductions when I said, “I am a novelist. I’m taking this class because I want to feel what it feels like to create because my main character is an artist.”  It is now a part of who I am. I have always loved sculpture, and to be the one who transforms the clay into an image you had imagined… It is almost like you are breathing life into the clay.

I love all the different mediums. To chip away at the block and transform this solid square into your creation is kinda empowering. All of a sudden I saw things I had never seen before.  When they asked Michelangelo how he made his statue of David he is reported to have said, "It is easy. You just chip away the stone that is not  David." I get it now. I am so excited Michelangelo’s David will be at the National Gallery of Art during the release of Obsession and Sacrifice.  David, the young tiny boy, who overcame his weakness and slayed the giant is kinda symbolic to me.

I am fascinated by the power of overcoming struggles. Obsession and Sacrifice is about a woman’s fight, not only with survival but also her fight to rediscover herself. I love the image of learning to walk because so many times in our own life when we fall, we not only have to get up, but we do…in a sense, we do need to relearn how to walk as well. This is the journey of finding the strength within, even when it seems impossible. It is also the story of true love, and true friendship.

I have been really naïve and I believe many young women are. I hope it helps them realize that it is important to be careful. Things are not always as they seem. And it is so important to surround yourself with people who truly care. But most of all, that there is a strength inside you that is beyond your comprehension, and you need to believe in yourself.

In the book Nicole wakes up in a coma. I imagined how it would be. In a sense it is like a rebirth. You get to experience everything for the first time again. I had fun with it. I like layers and for me there are a lot of layers in the book if you read it, but an underlying theme is rediscovery, survival, friendship and of course love.  

I hope you come with me on the Alaska journey. The trilogy begins with The Impostor, A Love Story. Obsession and Sacrifice is the sequel. And the third book will be released later this year. I would love to hear from you!  

What is your giant? Remember; Like David…just chip away at those pieces of you that confines you and you too can become a masterpiece… You too can face your giant! And Win! It was wonderful meeting you! Live, Laugh, and Love ~Tiffany Carmouché 


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She is desperate to remember. 
He is aching to forget. 
Together, they are not broken. 
But together, one may not survive. 

​Jade wakes up with no memory of her past and blood on her hands.  

Plagued by wicked thoughts, she searches for answers. Instead, she finds a boy who doesn't offer her answers, but hope. But sometimes, when nightmares turn into reality and death follows you everywhere, hope is not enough.  

LUST. LOVE. LOSS. Sometimes, all that is left are Ashes and Ice 



        Rochelle grew up dreaming up stories. When she entered high school, she tucked away her creative side and jumped head-first into academics, work, and service projects. She graduated summa cum laude with a degree in Political Science and Communication when she was twenty years old. After years away from her writing, Rochelle picked up a pen and started fleshing out a character sketch that she outlined when she was twelve. That sketch was the start of the Ashes and Ice story. Rochelle lives in the DC metro area with her husband and daughter. By day she works as a behavioral therapist. By night, she is a dreamer and is busy tapping out new stories on her keyboard.

Links:
http://www.rochellemayacallen.com/ 
twitter: rockyiswriting
goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/15864513-ashes-and-ice 
facebook: http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Rochelle-Maya-Callen-Author/478176392210312





            The girl’s glassy, dead eyes stare into me, through me, pierce me with a fierce urgency, with a wicked accusation. The blood is still on my hands.

            Red hair, blue eyes, a constellation of freckles on pale skin. She was fragile and innocent, a lovely thing. That is what I think until I see the gashes on her wrists and throat. With her blood spilling out, she looks delicious. She’s mine. Possessiveness shocks me, stabs into me. I run, tearing away from a craving I don't understand.

            Breathless, I grit my teeth and run harder, faster.
             
            My feet pound against the earth, away from the lifeless body and toward the lights of the city lingering on the horizon. Rot and death linger in my nostrils. Unscarred skin stretches taut over my freezing bones. Echoes of an empty memory reverberate in my mind, taunting me. The ice chases me, clutches me, and bites at my heels, sending shivers up my spine. The ice wants me back, but I run forward, toward the lights, toward the heat, toward a world that burns me, because I have no other choice.

            The lights are so close. Heat scalds my skin.

            Images race through my mind, paralyzing me. I skid to a stop, my boots digging into the mud. The vision’s blurred edges materialize into solid shapes.
 
            I gasp.

            A new horror rakes my insides. Desperation propels me forward; the pictures nagging at my seams threaten to tear me apart.

            Scorching fire licks over my skin. In my vision, I contort like a vile, ugly creature, eyes as black as decay. My frame hunches over the small, dead girl, like a demon looming over a defenseless child. Her blood drips from my mouth.

            I lick my lips and taste only salty sweat.

            I run, desperate to trample the vision under my feet, to crush it deep into the ground.

            I refuse to believe the image, refuse to acknowledge the monster within me demanding to be unleashed—and the possibility it has already been unbound. An unrelenting tide of fear washes over me. Past the denial, the fear, and the hope, I think I can still taste her.

            The cold stillness inside me cracks open just as the lights of the city slam into me.
 
Tears burn. I never realized it before, but they do. Tears reach down my throat and settle in my gut until the pain cripples me. I clutch my stomach as I look into the casket. His face doesn’t even look the same. Bloated like a Mardi Gras float, discolored like a mannequin. This isn’t my father.

            But it is.

            If I have learned anything in my short life, it is this: funerals are bullshit. People dress in carefully pressed black suits. Parents give me “meaningful” nods as if that could ease the grief. It doesn’t.

            Then there are the kids from school, the ones dragged along by their parents. People drag their kids along as if filling the church was a necessary thing. As if the more pews filled somehow expedite the dead’s trip to heaven. I doubt it does. Maybe some of the girls went shopping to buy just the right outfit so their cleavage to respectability ratio was just right, or  their ass to waist ratio was cinched properly.
  
          People sit in the pews dressed in their finest let’s-go-pay-our-respects-to-the-dead-guy-we-never-knew wear, smacking the gum in their mouths, cupping cellphones so they can LOL any comment  buzzing in, and drumming their fingers because the pastor is going on too long.  All they want to do is go home, sneak in a make-out session with their girlfriends, eat their dinners, and maybe catch a 7 o’clock movie.
 
           I hate these kids. The ones who stare at me, roll their eyes, and yawn. The ones who trip me at school and slam me into lockers. The ones who sit in a pew, contributing to the headcount, while I sit up here in front, holding back the tears fighting to make their appearance. I swallow them down. I won’t cry. Not here. Not with these people.
  
         Dad’s funeral should be an empty church with mom, his three brothers, and me. It should be the five of us having a messy, sloppy, sobbing affair where we cling to each other because we are all we have left. The marble floors should be slick with our tears. It isn’t. We sit here, straight backed, completely composed as if death is just a passing expiration date and our small, insignificant world has not been split open and left gaping.

***
            I’m in my room, staring at the ceiling. The funeral service was hours ago.

            The house feels empty and cold. I hear a stifled whimper from down the hall.

            Mom.

            Probably crying into a pillow so the house can’t hear, but it can. It seems unfair she can’t wail aloud, so loud  the house’s hundred-year-old studs tremble.

            She doesn’t. I don’t either. We cry in our own rooms, remembering a man who will never be here again.

            The house creaks. Maybe it feels the weight of our grief, maybe the floorboards are buckling because the burden is too heavy.

            I ache, desperate to forget the long battle with cancer, the blood sputtering out of his mouth with his last words—what where they? I can’t remember because the fear in his eyes overshadowed anything he said. Now the loss. I don’t want to feel this loss. Some divine entity has taken dull scissors and cut out a piece of my life and now I have jagged scars to remind me I lost too much. Too much.

            I want to forget, because it hurts to remember.

            I bury my head in the pillow, hoping to suffocate the memories, to choke out the pain.
 
“Have you ever been in love?”
 
           I spill my popcorn on my lap. “I, uh, what?” I say, swiping off the kernels. The question catches me off guard.

            “You know, in love.”

            “No. No, I haven’t.” I shift on the couch, needing more space between us. “What about you?”

            “Nah.” She flicks her hand toward me as if she is brushing away nonsense, but the hard look in her eyes says something different.

            “Why?”

            She points to the TV screen and the couple making out there. “Figured if you had been, then you could explain that to me.”

            The guy sweeps the girl up and carries her into bed before they… you know. “Uh, sex?”

            She bursts out laughing. “That too. But I was talking about what  it feels like to be, you know, in love. Totally, without question. Like, does that,” she points to the screen again, “exist?”
 
           “Yeah, I think it exists.” I think of mom and dad—the way they kissed every morning, hugged a few moments longer than anyone else, laughed so hard they cried, and cuddled, shutting out the world, looking more content than these fakers on the screen. “It exists. And in real life, it’s better than that crap.” I say, suddenly uncomfortable by the moaning coming from the TV.

            “I thought you said you’ve never been in love?”
 
           “I haven’t. But I’ve seen it. And I haven’t ever seen anything come close to that in the movies.”

            She opens her mouth as if about to ask a question, but then closes it and smiles, accepting my answer. “Well, it’s good that there may be something in life to look forward to.” She drops a kernel of popcorn in her mouth.
 
           “May be?”

            “Well nothing is guaranteed. Who knows, I may die an old spinster.” She’s smiling, but her eyes aren’t.
 
           I think about the movie store guy’s possessive eyes, Jesse’s chair fiasco, and Dominic’s leering, my heart. “I doubt that.”
 

He smiles a bit wider and hands out the pin.

            As, I reach to pluck it from his palm, he snatches my wrist with one hand, my bicep with the other and crushes me against his chest.

            His grip is tight—too tight, it hurts—and the bend of him hovers over me, leaning in. I try to shake him off, but he doesn’t let go. I squirm as I feel his thumb trace circles on the inside of my wrist. The touch sends a skitter of sensation over me. Something tinges the air; a sweet, cool feeling brushes over my skin, making my knees want to buckle. He smells like mint, his breath tickles my face. I pull back, hating the sensations that please my skin and curdle my insides. Bile surges in my throat. I tear myself away from him, glaring.

            “What?” He says coolly as if he hadn’t just bruised my arms with his clutching fingertips.

            “That. Hurt.” I say. I don’t say he smells sweet or his breath is refreshing on my skin or his touch sends chills up my spine, delicious chills. I step away.

            His smile is unnerving. “Don’t worry, Jade.” He winks at me. Damn that wink of his. “One day, you’ll like it.”

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